Finding inner confidence.

Last week I posted 21 facts about me that my Insta fam may or may not have known. Original post found here. Needless to say, I was really surprised at the responses. All loving, incredibly sweet and relatable which got me thinking… “How did I get here? How did I find my inner confidence to put myself out here?”

The short answer is that it took quite a bit of time. It also took surviving some of life’s unplanned curve balls. It’s very apropos actually. I am nearing my 41st birthday and really trying to understand what I still have left to accomplish and what my role is in this world; what I am supposed to give back. Every year I feel a little bit closer to understanding that, too.

I don’t feel confident every day. I don’t love my body or feel amazing in every article of clothing I purchase or receive but I do know a few things. I know that I am strong and I’ve worked for it. Those SPIN and barre classes are anything but easy. I know my body has changed and finally after several decades, I know exactly what I can put into it and how it will make me feel; both mentally and physically. And the bottom line is…I try really hard to maintain my health so that’s worth something, right? Eat clean and get exercise for you. Not for the scale. Do it to find your inner peace. I do it for my sanity.

The other critical factor in maintaining confidence is owning your truth. Sure, we all make mistakes, slip up, etc but knowing what that mistake is and vowing to course correct makes you a better human. Let’s face it, when you do good, you feel good. It’s addicting and I think that’s built more confidence. I also believe that society has become more forgiving of our mistakes, faults, weaknesses and flaws. I credit that to social media - bad, good, indifferent. It feels like we are becoming more aware of the human factor and maybe a bit more accepting. There’s something particularly liberating, even in my work world, to admitting failure or defeat and owning it. You’d be surprised how understanding clients can be. It crosses over to all relationships in life, really.

After 41 trips around the sun, I can also say that your tribe can make or break your confidence. Truth is, I have always learned this the hard way. What can I say? Geminis love to be loved. Many years later of honing my confidence and working to figure out the qualities I look for in close friends, I can finally say we are there. Sweet Jesus! Many heartbreaks later, it’s possible. Like your parents always say, a handful of smart, kind people is much better than 20 who only call you when they need something. For a long time I was hinged on reciprocity being the backbone of my friendships and that was just wrong. It’s not about leveling the playing field. It’s about, “Is this person a good person? If I called them at 2am, would they be there for me? Do they root for my wins and hug me when I lose?” More of those conversations. Friendship is not about keeping tabs. Friendship is, to me at least, how you feel when you walk away from that person. Feeling connected, heard and positive are probably the three most valued traits in my books.

Finally, I think confidence is a mental game. Be your biggest cheerleader. True story, I can’t tell you how many times I walk out of a SPIN class and mutter to myself, “You can do this. You got this.” It is so cheesy but I think it works. Whatever it takes to get you there, right?

So what’s my purpose? I think it is to use the gift of writing that God gave me and write honest posts like these. You’re going to continue to see these. My purpose is to inspire people that it’s never too late to follow your passion. I think it’s public speaking. I love seminars and talks…my purpose is to leave people chuckling, uplifted and motivated. And my biggest purpose? It is to inspire my daughters that they are really so very special and that they can be anything they want to be. The sky is the limit and mom is most definitely their biggest cheerleader.

Thanks for reading. xx

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Photography by Abe Lopez