All dressed up with nowhere to go.

“Influencing” our communities has never been so weird. We are tasked with inspiring, uplifting and informing on a daily basis but that is now awkward and uncomfortable. Thank you Covid-19. Some of us want to temper the changes with humor which, is welcome while others are struggling to find the right words. I am somewhere in-between on this spectrum.

Yesterday, I had a delayed emotional reaction. I was struggling with the dog on a walk while my kids rode bikes in front of me and it was a beautiful day. I won’t bore you with the details but something scared me with Olivia being too far away on her bike and suddenly, I saw Lola running towards me on foot. My worst fear was materializing in the moment. I thought my kid got hit on her bike. Come to find out that it was a car screeching on their brakes several streets over. That was my moment of complete mental breakdown. I stood there with a poop bag in hand, with the intent of getting my kiddos some fresh air which manifested into huge, heaving sobs. Kids were playing basketball outside, people were walking their dogs and here I was uncontrollably sobbing on the sidewalk while Lola and Olivia tried to console me. 50% fear mixed with 50% stress/anxiety seemed to be the perfect recipe for mom to lose her mind.

I cried for a number of reasons:

1. my business and my clients — budget cuts, clients suffering with of-the-moment closings, seminar/event delays…it’s enough to give me shingles.

2. we lost our heat for the second time in 30 days - if you follow me on stories, you know that having no heat puts me over the edge like no other. Might I add that we just spent 4K on a brand new furnace.

3. homeschooling - juggling two FT jobs got the best of me and I felt like a bad parent in-between conference calls. We have no help as we gave our sitter the option to take care of her health. Felt like the right thing to do.

4. construction + a dirty house - this makes me unsettled. I like things tidy and clean. We have construction happening on top of no cleaning help. It makes me anxious.

5. indefinite school closings - the gravity of #2 is enough to make me drink and so I gave myself permission to do so. Two glasses and I could laugh at Netflix come evening.

I am writing all this to say that yes, I am making my bed, showering, showing up, putting on makeup, washing dishes, taking conference calls, cooking, cleaning, teaching…all of the above but also…it’s okay. Quite frankly, we are all due for some sort of emotional meltdown. Give yourself the permission to do so. In my opinion, it’s not good to bottle all this stress in.

So yes, I am going to continue daily walks, Peloton classes, wine nights and face-timing with our family + friends. Stay connected. I don’t have a huge agenda for this post other than transparency. The unknown makes many of us feel uncomfortable including me.

Know that you are loved and we will get through this. Practice self care, self love and release yourself from solving every problem. That is my plan at this very moment.

Sending Hugs!