2021 learnings + epiphanies.

There was just one that stood out in 2021. This is unique in and of itself because I usually have a giant list and while there are dozens and dozens of mini lessons I learned throughout the year, there was just one learning that set the tone: Cut the toxic people out of your life.

And if you’re new here, you can read my 2020 learnings here. It’s an annual thing!

Let me be clear in that 2021 was a great year of growth. I had fun. I traveled. Work was fulfilling. My friendships grew stronger. I locked in my health and wellness. I read a lot. I could feel internal growth sprout like a little seed blossoming from my belly up. I worked on me.

We can only control so many aspects of life and toxic people are not one of them. Toxic clients? Yes, that can be fixed. But how about toxic family members or friends? That’s a tough one, right? It’s something I see nearly every woman I know struggle with. Toxicity knows no age limits. It’s a sneaky little devil.

I think we can credit the pandemic for our keen awareness of toxicity and doing away with things or people that no longer serve us. It’s that “YOLO philosophy” that has pushed us to do what truly makes us happy, embrace new hobbies, disconnect from our computers and for some, quit jobs and pivot completely. I salute any of you who embraced changed and harnessed it to benefit your own wellbeing. That is what life is about!

So that toxic gal or gent in your life? Maybe there’s more than one? This usually isn’t a one size fits all. I will be honest with you though because we have that kind of friendship, right? Some toxic people did the job for me this year. As in, they got rid of me. (you read that correctly) And that made me angry. Like anything in life, give it 24-48 hours and things become much more clear. Clarity always comes to me on delay followed by peace.

I’ll tell you why I am so glad they got rid of me:

• I didn’t have the guts to get rid of them by myself. I was worried about their feelings; not my wellbeing.

• I didn’t realize how crummy I felt after I hung out with them.

• I didn’t realize that the relationship was one-sided in that they were always benefitting.

• I didn’t realize that they were never there when I needed them.

• I didn’t realize that I behaved differently when I was around them.

There was only two-ish individuals that I cut out in 2021 but the lesson is important because I am sure I will face it again. And hey, this is not meant to be a Debbie-Downer post. This is a post of empowerment. The message is simple: Stop taking other people’s shit! You are worth so much more!

There’s also another tangential learning related to cutting out toxic people and that’s to speak up for yourself. I didn’t make a grand exit when I chose to cut out the toxicity in my life but I did vocalize at one point that I wasn’t kosher with exhibit A or B. And that was hard. Alternatively, if confrontation makes you squeamish, simply distance yourself. Bow out gracefully. If you never hear from that individual, you have your answer. You weren’t a priority and you should stop making them a priority. Again, a tough pill to swallow but you will be so much better off.

I used to think that I needed to keep people around because I had a history with them, maybe a decade of friendship, which meant I should fight the good fight and continue to work hard to maintain the friendship. That’s some really antiquated thinking. Truth is, you don’t need to keep anyone around. Some of my closest friends are the women I’ve met in the last five years. Give people a chance, open up your heart and ditch the history guilt trip. You should feely joy and laughter when you hang out with your besties and if you feel anything different - I implore you to dig deep and ask yourself the hard questions.

Maybe the lesson here is that cutting out toxicity takes major guts. And it’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. But with extreme discomfort comes beautiful growth. The kind of growth that should make you proud. If you did that, I am proud of you!

May 2022 empower you to face all of your challenges head on. There is so much beauty on the other side.