Reality check - perfection is hard.
photo courtey Patterson Maker
It's with much frequency as of late that I've made plans with girlfriends, on the catch-up circuit, and I've been asked the same two questions: has motherhood changed you? Can you believe you're a mom?
It got me thinking. How has motherhood changed me? There's no book for this stuff ya know? And it's weird because so much of my life is still the same. I talk to my parents everyday. I still work at the same job I have for the last 8 years. I still love fashion. And blogging. I have a blast with my husband. I love going out to eat. And anything with a drop of caffeine. What really has changed?
Well, I'll tell you. A lot has changed. For one, I didn't think it was possible to love another human being this much. There is a teeny tiny person who trusts and depends on me infinitely. Implicitely. You don't come by that often as an adult these days. My days of perfection and wanting to always be the best that I can be have shifted...to being the best mom I can be. And that's sometimes emotional. At my job, I used to be the best sales person. I know you're smirking but that's the truth. I was. And lucky for me I still love my company and my job. But, I'm not the best anymore. Truth is, I can't be and that's really hard. That's how motherhood has changed me. I can't be everywhere at one time and I can't devote the same amount of time to my job that I used to. Does that grate on me...absolutely, without question.
Know what else has changed? Friendships. Some have resurrected from the dead. That's a pleasant surprise. A breath of fresh air. Some fell flat...dead flat. They were hard transitions but I do believe that things happen in life for a reason. Some are brand new {thank you Blogger} and I am excited to see where they go. Some I've never met in person...yet. Imagine that. And above all, my time is pulled in so many different directions between being in denial about reaching perfection at my job or being a super mom that sometimes, I can't be the kinda friend I want to be. True story. I take longer to respond to texts and emails and even calls. That bothers me. I never used to be like that.
And then there is "keeping house" as they say. Let's just say that one went out the door. Not cooking but just overall tideness. If my husband could ghost write for this blog...man, you guys would pee your pants. I used to be so...ANAL. No longer. Spit up on the couch - no bigs, rub it in. Dishes in the sink - tomorrow I say! Overflowing garbage cans in the bathroom - shut the door! I need to get better at it but sometimes, it is somewhat liberating. I'm busy...there's a 8 9 month old that needs me!
There's one final frontier...my social life. There was a time when I went out Friday and Saturday. Yup - I was an animal. Now, I can't tell you the last time I went to a bar. Well actually I could...it was two weekends ago to eat lunch. Pffff. I went to bars for day drinking or even better, I left at 10pm on a Saturday to begin my night. Nowadays, if I have one eye open it's a GD miracle. Sleep...it's a mirage but when it comes down to a tight dress and heels vs. Mr. Sandman...here's a tip, Mr. Sandman always wins. Plus tight dresses with extra baby lbs is not my thing right now. Hello anything with elastic...how do you do?
So motherhood - yeah, it's changed me. A lot for the good and some for the not so good. I used to have more time to fixate on losing 5 more lbs, or wondering why someone didn't call me back or why I didn't close that deal or what it meant when she said this. Now, all I really care about is my baby, my husband and a daily shower. Is that too much to ask? I don't know...talk to me next week when I find out if I made my monthly sales quota.
Empty coffee cups and dirty diapers,
Johanna